How Can I Advocate for Myself With Friends and Family?

This is such a great question and the truth is that learning to advocate for yourself is a process. It is a process rooted in the belief that you have a right to engage in communication that works for you and that communication is not all on you, but is between you and another. It is not just your issue to keep things going but both of you need to do your part to improve your connection if you are struggling to understand/engage in effective dialogue.

On my end of things I am doing everything I know how to do. I am wearing my hearing aid. I have my external mic that bluetooths to my hearing aid in my pocket in case I think it would help to clip it on you. I probably have my phone out with my Eva app open in case I need to look down and catch some of what you said in closed captioning. I have let my people know usually ahead of our meetup what the state of my hearing is that day and where would be best for us to meet (almost always in an outdoor, quiet environment) . I have worked extensively with a lipreading tutor over the years and I navigate seating so I can see and read your lips to the best of my ability. I have engaged diligently with an app called Amptify to help me better understand spoken language and I have spent countless hours over the past 18 months dedicated to learning sign language. This is all an enormous amount of work on my end but I know in my heart of hearts that staying connected to my people is my top priority and I have dedicated a good part of my energy these past few years to make it happen. I have shared this process with my people and I think they are more dedicated to doing their part as they see me doing mine.

It is important to recognize that all I can do is my part and that the person I am engaging with also can do theirs to keep us communicating effectively and without major frustration for either of us. Here are the things my people do that I find incredibly helpful:

Many of my friends ask me as soon as they see me how my hearing is and what I need that day from them. We navigate where to sit and the environment accordingly. If its a good day and I can walk and talk they ask if I have the mic that bluetooths to my hearing aid (Phonak Roger IN) and if I want them to wear it. They meet me where I’m at and constantly give me the message that they are willing to do whatever it takes to communicate effectively.

I am in a Women’s Group and they just expect that I will be utilizing my Roger and Eva throughout our time together as needed. They pass Roger around like a talking stick and I rarely if ever have to ask them to do something special for me because they have all just accepted that this is part of my package and are willing to give me any accommodation I need. Their automatically doing it without my needing to ask every time is a gift I appreciate beyond words.

The success I am having in communicating with friends and family did not come easy. I had to first figure out what I needed and then get comfortable asking my people for that. This is what advocating for yourself is all about. You have to get committed to yourself, to your relationships and to doing whatever it takes to stay engaged. Here are some suggestions to get you going:

1. Figure out what communication issues exist for you. Talk to your audiologist about the situations you find most challenging and be sure that your hearing technology is working the best it can for you. Take a loved one to your appointment with you so they can get a feel for what you are going through and how they can help.

2. Let your friends and family know how important they are to you and how committed you are to not allowing your loss of hearing to come between you. Be honest about all parts of your journey… your fears, trials, grief, successes and most of all your hope for the two of you to continue to connect. Let them know how they can support (see above for ideas).

3. Prioritize spending time with your friends and family. The more practice you get in different and even challenging settings the easier it is likely to become. This is one of the most important things you can do for your mental and hearing health.

4. Join a support group with other adults who have similar struggles. You will feel heard and understood and learn all kinds of strategies.

5. Find out about your local ASL classes and ask a friend or family member if they would like to take it with you. Learning sign together will not only make communication easier but will also give you a shared interest and maybe a new group of friends to get to know together.

6. Do not give up! We all have hard days and working so hard to stay connected is exhausting but the alternative is much worse. I often need to take hearing breaks where I just let my family know I’m taking my hearing aid out and am going to stop trying for a while. I may go on a walk, meditate, get out in nature, go for a bikeride, whatever it takes to reboot and set myself up for the next successful connection.