What does Emotional Intelligence Have to Do with Deaf - Hearing Relationships

How about everything… and especially when one person in the couple is deaf or hard of hearing which adds additional challenges to any relationship.

My wife Julie has recently lost most of her hearing and is on a trajectory to lose more. I teach Emotional Intelligence (EI) in corporations and have brought these skills on board in my personal life now more than ever. This helps us so that Julie and I can share the challenges of her losing her hearing and can stay with the process of figuring out together what is next on this journey.

If you have significant hearing challenges or are in a relationship with someone who does, I hope to help you learn some skills on this website to navigate the course. Enhancing emotional intelligence is one way to look at what may help.

The short definition for Emotional Intelligence is being smart about your emotions. It refers to the ability to understand and manage yourself, along with understanding others. When one person in the relationship is deaf or hard of hearing it presents challenges for both the deaf and hearing person.

I hope my occasional contributions on this site, with different Emotional Intelligence tips and tools that have helped many people navigate challenging territory, will help you too.

Something for us all to recognize is that today in our culture there is more overwhelm, loneliness, anger and anxiety than ever before. Each partner in the late deafened and hard of hearing community will likely have many of these emotions plus a tsunami of emotions concerning their hearing loss. They may be asking themselves

• Is it safe to share my feelings?

• Can my partner really listen to me?

• How do I express my vulnerabilities?

• Do we need to learn sign language?

• How do I manage impatience?

And for the partner:

• What about my needs and what things can we learn together?

The good news is Emotional Intelligence can be learned and can help both partners come together to navigate this territory.

Start with Communication.

You want to normalize the feelings, listen well, and acknowledge successes.

This means:

• Ask your partner how they are doing with their journey, what are their biggest fears, concerns or challenges, what feelings they are having?

• Feedback what you heard them say, “I heard you say you felt ____ about ____, is that right? To let them feel heard and seen you need to repeat what you heard.

• Normalize their feelings by reminding them that anyone would feel this way in their situation, that you are in this together and will get through it together. Don’t try to fix or lessen their feelings but help them accept the feelings..

• Share your feelings and how you are coping proactively.

• Remember to stay in their story (SITS) versus stealing their story and talking about yourself too much.

• Assure them of the capabilities and strengths that they as an individual and the two of you as a couple have. In short, “I am with you all the way and we will get through this!” should be stated frequently.

• Acknowledge the progress made so far and individual successes. Share what you feel grateful for.

Hope this helps. Thanks for reading!

Relly