Even though it usually backfires, it’s common for us to try to hide our hearing loss. Growing up I was embarrassed about my single-sided deafness and tried to keep it hidden but now as I think back as an adult I’m still not sure why. For years, very few people knew I could only hear from my right ear. It wasn't until my 30s or 40s, when I met friends who were open about their hearing loss, that I began to shed my shame and share my own experiences. As I’ve connected with others, I’ve realized this shame is incredibly common, perhaps due to our ageist culture that associates hearing loss with getting old, and ableism that pressures people to hide instead of accept and even celebrate their differences.
When I started losing hearing in my”good” ear a few years ago, I faced a choice: hide it or be open about it and trust that my honesty and vulnerability would help me get my needs met and maybe even bring me closer to the people I cared about. I chose openness, starting with close friends and family. This decision has brought countless gifts. My friends and family have only shown me unconditional love and commitment to whatever it takes to keep us connected. They’ve adapted in various ways to support me. Their acceptance of my loss of hearing and the changes that loss brings to our relationship has helped me on my own personal journey to acceptance of my new reality.
On good days, I meet at quiet coffeeshops, or restaurants, ensuring we sit face-to-face for “speechreading” (reading facial expressions and lips). On days when my hearing drops, I have my friends use my external clip on mic (Phonak Roger) or I utilize my closed captioning app (Eva) . Some friends are even learning sign language with me; what an unexpected and incredible gift!
Choosing not to hide my hearing loss has revealed the unconditional love of my friends and family. They’ve shown up in the most supportive ways, walking this journey with me. When I try to fake it or hide it, I risk missing out on social connections, leading to isolation. By being open, I’ve found a world filled with compassionate people who want to be in relationship and are willing to do what it takes to stay engaged with me.
Isolation is so very common amongst folks with loss of hearing and it doesn’t need to be this way. If you are hiding your hearing loss I hope you will start taking risks in sharing it with others and asking for what you need for staying engaged. It takes vulnerability and courage to share and you will find that this vulnerability will encourage more intimacy in your friendships. Asking will give you the opportunity to experience the kindness of others and will help you grow your confidence in being able to live a full and beautifully connected life!